Chemo 3 - yeha all done!!

Well I am at home and in my very comfortable bed!!

My brain and eyes are a bit fuzzy so I apologise in advance for any strange wording that may appear in this blog!!
I am pleased to say that today all went well.
The staff at the chemo unit are truely wonderful. They were all prepared to make today go as smoothly as possible for me - the nurse who was overseeing me today is the same lady who did my orientation to the unit at the very beginning of this chapter.
She is such a wonderful caring and gentle person - such a treat to have her look after me today.
The other nurses are also lovely and each one came to offer me encouragement and support for the day.
As usual I saw the Dr first - the blood results were fine from yesterday.
I handed him my long list of side effects and he prescribed me some more drugs to add to my own personal pharmacy at home!!
He was the same Dr that I had seen last time too - a really nice man - so we had a laugh about what was in the pipeline today.
My pulse was over 100 at rest and he said his would be too reflecting on the last experience.
Well soon it was all systems go and I was given all the premeds iv and then the first drug was run in exceptionally slowly to start and when we knew all was okay it was also increased slowly and all went smoothly. The same approach was started with the next drug and I am so relieved that all 3 went in without a problem. Yeha yabadabadoo!!!!!!!
It was still a long marathon of almost 7 hours but all went calmly so no complaints!!
B was able to spend time with me off and on and my faithful friend J - stayed all day - stocking me up with nibblies and drinks.
As she works fulltime it is always a lovely time to just catch up together -she books that day off so she can be there for me - very special. When all was over we dashed to the school to get the girls - we were a bit late but they were relieved to see me with J in the car.
A has made me a cup of tea and a slice of a most delicious cake that a friend had made for us.
I have my pjs on and am about to have a snooze!

I can feel the effects kicking in so thought I would update you all now - as I may be out of it for a bit.
So glad to share that all went well and hopefully with my new drug cocktail the next few days wont be quite as bad!
The sun is still shining here - I can hear the birds singing - and only 1 more to go!!!!!!!!!!
Fantabulous xxxxxxxxx

This is me having the toxic bubbly !!! I shall be looking forward to endulging in a much more pleasant bubbly soon xxxxx

What a day ..........

Well what an eventful day it has been!!!!

I am feeling quite upset at the moment so best I get that off my chest and then get onto the good bits.
I have just returned home from where c does here horseriding - we arrived for her weekly lesson and were told that there was no space for her and that she hadn't been booked in.!!!! I have a friend whose children go there and she had sent me a text so say that c wasn't on the board of names with horses . I only received the text as I parked at the stables!!!
C has been attending lessons regularily for about 8 months now.
Unfortunately last week she didnt go at the last minute as she had been hit by the soccer ball on the head at playtime and a few other things had happened and she was upset after school and didnt want to go with my friend .
She didn't attend pony camp in the holidays - although this is optional and expensive - and I had not been contacted about her lessons being changed or her slot given away.
This time through chemo has been so challenging and I haven't been able to take her - today is the only day I have been able to go and watch as I am at my strongest the day before the next chemo!!
So you can imagine how upsetting it was to arrive today only to be told C had no horse.
Infact what I was actually told was that C hadn't been bothered to come last week and the class was full.
Needless to say I welled up with tears and rather than stand and have words in front of the parents and other riders waiting to start their lesson. I told C to get her bits and we headed back to the car!!
My poor friend was standing at her horse trailer and I just told her briefly the interaction and went to the car - tears streaming down my face. I had to phone her on my way home as I didn't want her to feel I was upset with her!
I was just upset with the whole situation - arriving with no warning that your daughter has lost her riding spot on top of everything else - was just too much!!!
This whole cancer thing is a pain and justs gets in the way of so much!
My beautiful daughter was more worried about me than missing her lesson - giving me a reassuring cuddle and saying it was okay nad at least she and I will have more time together!!
She is such a precious child - and she is absolutely right!!
I fear we will not be going back there for lessons after today!

Well onto more cheerful happenings!!
Up to that point we have had a very special and full day.
It was grandparents day at the school today and beautiful Barbs stood in as our surrogate grandparent!!
One of the most glamourous there I am sure!!
The morning was organised beautiful - with amazing performance from the band and choir, dancers etc and the ever jolly school principal who comperes the whole thing with great fun and jokes.
My folks have been able to go the last few years and each year Mr B asks if there is anyone from overseas and usually my dad is given the mike to say a few words!! Well Dad you were missed this year - Mr B asked if the folk from Ireland were there!! Sadly not this year - maybe next!!

After the celebrations there is an amazing morning tea laid on where grandchildren join their grandparents and then they are able to show them around and even go home earlier!
So barbs the girls and I had a lovely time together!
We sampled the nibblies and then looked around on our way to the car. The weather was truely beautiful again and we had a wonderful time together!!
I had to go and have my bloods taken after and Barbs drove me to the pathology place - she waited in the car with the girls and thankfully it didnt take to long.

As this was my final day of freedom so to speak before tomorrows delights - Barbs drove us to a shop to get some fabric samples for my lounge revamp and then to woolies for a few bits and pieces!!
As we going back to the car we stopped at a little stall in the shopping centre to look at an amazing array of very reasonably priced fashion watches!
We were both looking at getting one when the chap behind the little stall came out and asked one of the ladies looking if he could look in her bag!!
The stall was quite busy with a few of us all around - well this lady had seen an opportunity and had been happily filling her bag with watches!!!
He took into the middle and took almost 20 watches out of her bag. She also had a number of scarves in there which sadly I think she must have taken from another shop!!!
It was all quite a business - he was very gracious and told her to pay for the watches and he wouldn,t call security - well she ended up paying about 150 dollars - she didn't have enough for all she had stolen - he certainly didnt let her take them.
He told her he didn't want to see her in the centre again or he would call security!!
The girls couldn't believe what they had witnessed. Real drama !!!!

So there you - what a day of twists and turns - we headed home and I managed to sit and have a cup of tea with barbs before heading out to horseriding!!!

I haven't even touched on the last couple of days that I have spent with my gorgeous friend from Melbourne who felt to come up and spend a long weekend with us - giving us such TLC , helping with the girls, the goats , doing washing and ironing.
She has been amazing not to mention the special times we have shared just soaking in the farm surroundings etc. I could really do an entire blog just on that!!
It has been an incredibly precious time to top up my emotional tank for the next chapter!!
I am very blessed.
So friends near and far - tomorrow is chemotherapy no 3 - to be honest I am not looking forward to it - but know also it is a step closer to the end of chemo for good hopefully.
That is a day I am very much looking forward to.
Until next time !!!!!


I hope you can read this little card - just love it xxx

Time rolls by .....

Well its over a week since my last blog - the days are rolling on.
This last chemo really did knock the wind out of me and I have just been so tired this last week - so have been taking it easy.
I am so thankful to be on the farm - the weather has been beautiful and it is so good for the soul to be here in the peace and tranquility.

B and the girls went off to a farm show last weekend - sadly I stayed home as my cell count was low and mixing with the throngs of people and animals probably wouldn't have done me any good. Aside from the fact that I seriously wouldn't have been able to walk around for more than half an hour I'm sure.
I was wondering what they would come home with - thankfully it wasn't anything with feathers or 4 legs!!!
In fact they came home with a nutcracker haha - so although we still have to feed that nuts in a way - it won't bleat if its hungry!!!

The week has gone quickly - I have had a few friendly visits which is always lovely - Miss A and Barbs did their weekly trip to the shops for a top up of bits and pieces. Such a blessing for me!!
 I haven't been great company with my tiredness but always nice to see a friendly face.
I have my lovely friend from Melbourne here with me this weekend - what a treat - she wanted to come and give us some TLC and it has been so wonderful having her here with us.
Her hubbie very kindly took a couple of days off work to look after their children so J could fly up to me!!
The girls have just so enjoyed all the extra cuddles and attention - Miss C and J are sitting on the verhanda as I type this - they are having a great time painting.
I am relaxing on my bed.
 J is giving Miss C an art class all of her own - what a treat!!
I don't think they will want her to leave!!

B is out doing farmer bits - making herb planters etc. We bought some shrubs yesterday and B and J planted them as I supervised hehe - there is something wonderful about planting new life in the garden. So lovely to look at and watch grow.
I can hardly believe that this Thursday I am back for another chemo - I am really hoping that this one goes better than the last one .
They are going to give me more drugs before starting this time in a hope that it prevents a reoccurence of the reaction.
Praying hard it works - at least after this one I can be saying only 1 more chemo to go!!
I am afraid that I am already getting a bit tired of wearing headscarves - and it will be many months before I have hair again.
I hadn't been very keen to get a wig before but who knows perhaps I may look into it after all. At least then when you go out - you are not sharing your struggle with all you meet!

So the sun is shining again - I must admit this is a wonderful way to go through winter.

A friend shared this quote which I thought was beautiful

To love and be loved is to feel the sun shining from both sides!!

I hope you feel the sun on you wherever you are too .......

Rain, rain, rain ...........

Well it is Saturday morning here and it is still raining!!!
In fact it hadn't stopped since yesterday - I see another day of snuggling under the blankets with my lovely family and watching dvds and playing board games ahead!!!

Yesterday I had Miss A home with me - it was the 2nd day of sports at her school and she hadn't been feeling too great .
She wasn't in anything that day so a day at home seemed the best!
We relaxed together and watched a movie in my bed on my trusty laptop - lovely girlie time - she said we should do this at least once a month hehe!!
Before long it was time to pick up Miss C - I am trying to do the pickups on days I can manage just to try and bring back a bit of normality !! Whats that ? I have forgotten !!!
Anyway poor C had been injured during the day by a rogue soccer ball - my heart goes out to her as school is a bit of a struggle at the moment!!
On the way home we stopped at the village to get a dvd and collect something from the post - office.
Thought it might cheer c up!
We picked up some hot chips from the cafe next to the dvd shop - when we were paying Miss C asked the lady behind the counter. 'Excuse me How do you have good days?"
At first the lady looked a bit taken aback and then on looking at me standing in scarf and cap broke into a big smile and said ' I just keep smiling and it helps me lots.'
Oh my heart - how i wish I could take all the worry away for the girls!

We headed home laden with hot chips, dvds and lollys! The scene was set for a lovely afternoon. The movie proved a great hit and there was lots of laughter all the way through.
I had been feeling pretty good through the day but had noticed a bit of redness appearing on my palms.
I know this can happen so thought I should just watch it.
A meal was being provided for us that night. The lovely friend who was bringing it had had a baby only 2 months ago and here she was driving up to us  to bring us dinner. What an amazingly generous heart!
It was dark already when she arrived - a delicious soup and homemade savoury muffins was the order of the day.
We shared a cuppa and I had a lovely cuddle with her gorgeous baby and she headed back home!
The redness in my hands had progressed and was quite painful and itchy.
I had also come out in itchy welt type lumps on the back of my legs.
The weeedkiller was on a roll!!
Within an hour I was feeling quite peculiar - tingling around my mouth , increased pain in my hands etc.
I had some antihistamine tablets so I took one in the hope that it would do something.
I ended up back in bed - battling the symptoms and the most painful indigestion.
The gift that keeps on giving!!!

Well thankfully I slept pretty well until this morning - I woke dreaming I was trying to climb out of a torrent of water. Thats what happens when you hear the sound of heavy rain all night!!
My hands are still sore and itchy so B may have to get some calamine from the chemist today.
I wonder what other delights will present themselves today on this mystery tour!!!! Hmm we shall just have to wait and see........................

Headscarf Outings - hmm!!!

It is a very wintery looking and feeling day here this morning.
A good day for a movie under a cosy blanket!!
This last week the weather has been glorious - crystal blue skies and warm sun so I cant complain!!

Well after all the drama of Tuesday it has been pretty smooth sailing since then. My beautiful eldest daughter brought me tea and toast on Wednesday before she went to school - what an angel!!
I was feeling so much better and ready for action. I really wanted to achieve something and my energy levels were up so I gave the kitchen a good sort out as well as my pantry cupboard . It was beginning to look as if everytime the door was opened something had just been thrown in!!
It may seem a trivial achievement - but when you have been flat on your back for days - anything achieved is worth celebrating!!
I had a peaceful day at home just pottering and doing a few usual bits and pieces - felt great!!

Miss C was being taken by a friend to horseriding and Miss A was been collected by another and they were going for a spot of grocery shopping!
Before long the shoppers had returned - Barbs said A was a whizz at getting everything and was even watching the prices - thats my girl.
We all shared a cuppa and laughed together as we shared again the shennanigans of the night before!! Then barbs headed home.
Much later B and Miss C returned and we all shared dinner together!

Yesterday I had to go to an appointment and so was planning what to wear - it was to be my first public outing without my hair so all felt a bit strange.
I had worn a headscarf on the weekend but that was to someones home who themselves were hair free - this was a whole new experience.
I settled on something , spent ages twisting the scarf into some sort of headcovering and off I went.
When I put on my sunglasses I looked like I had stepped out of an old hollywood movie set - what a laugh.
At least that was better than a fortune teller!!!

So after my appointment I thought I would bravely head down into our local shopping centre as I needed something from the chemist!
Well what an experience.
As I was walking through you sort of just feel yourself - but soon you realise you aren't.
I had people looking at me with that knowing look, others giving me that I am sorry smile and others who would avoid eye contact all together.
In fact I had to get petrol on my way in and the usually chatty lady behind the counter at our local petrol station was decidedly awkward and avoided eye contact altogether.
I know often this is because people don't know what to do or say!
Anyway back to the plaza - I had to get something from the one shop and had the same eye avoiding experience - just so strange.
When I went to the chemist the girl there was completely different - she just spoke to me and looked at me normally.
So I thought I should thank her - I said to her  I just wanted to say thank you for looking at me when she spoke to me and treating me normally.
She broke into a big smile and then we chatted briefly and she told me she had a friend going through the same thing!!
A short trip to the shops had showed me that another 'gift' with breast cancer is that once you have lost your hair - your diagnosis is now public knowledge and obviously everyone out and about has their own feelings about it too!
I guess thats why you don't see many ladies walking around in headscarves in public etc as each time you are out you are confronted by your illness in yet another way!!

Anyway it certainly doesn't mean I will be staying indoors but was an interesting experience!!
I had planned to pick the girls up from school - so I left the plaza and headed there.
It was great to do something normal together - so they climbed in the car and we headed home.
I have to be honest though after my outing and braving the plaza i was feeling a bit weak and shakey - just have to take it  slow !!

Well it is now raining and windy outside - a movie is definitely on the agenda - I have reconnected with some old friends on FB so I see a very lazy day on the horizon.

Before leaving for school this morning my youngest daughter said to me.
" Mum you know we only get one life so I want to make everyday of this one the best that it can be!"
Wise words from a 9 year old - here's trusting we can all do the same ...........

Laugh - cry - laugh x

Well here I am again.
It is the wee small hours of the morning and I am awake!
Actually I had a really horrible dream and now can't get back to sleep!
I am blaming the takeaway pizza from last night!!

You would think that as I am resting at home this week that there wouldn't be much to say - yet the twists and turns of life continue never the less!!
Yesterday morning I was feeling a bit better to start - yet after an attempt to put on some washing and a small sort in the kitchen - I soon realised my tyres had still lost their puff!
I was finished - had to go back to bed!
Tuesdays the lady comes to help with cleaning etc - Gorious Gloria I say - so I just left the door open for her as I really was feeling weary.
She is such a wonderfully positive lady despite whatever is happening in her own world - always lovely to see her and what a treat to have someone come in and when they leave your floors are clean and mopped, bathrooms sparkling etc - just love it.

Well seriously most of my day was spent in bed - my theory is that while the girls are at school I will do my best to top up my tanks so that any energy I have I can enjoy with them.
Their first week back to school has gone well so far - Miss A has been amazing - I am so proud of her - she has taken a step up now that Granny and Grandpa have gone - she was giving her sister moral support the night before school started , encouraging her etc, she has been taking on her home responsibilities so well and her maturity and attitude is something I am so proud of.
Miss C too is doing her best also - feeding the goats and caring for me. Her heart is still very tender about me and I can see the weight of everything taking its toil even after 2 days back at school. She is carrying a lot for a 9 year old and being forced to face things that even we as adults have struggles with - I am so proud of her too!

My dear friend J brought the girls home after school - we had a quick cuppa and ended up having such a laugh !
As women we can certainly cover a number of topics in a short space of time - everything from health, parenting, beauty techniques , gardening - aren't we great hehe!!
I have had a couple of comments about how well my skin is looking and we were laughing as it has taken chemo to get me to increase my water intake!! It has also caused me to maintain that rigourous skin regimme that I had mentioned earlier - my quest to at least have decent skin seems to be working !!
Lots of water and a good skin care routine actually does work !!! Duh - pity it took getting cancer to get me going!!
I was relaying to J how earlier that morning I had found my self laughing at myself in the bathroom.
There I was after my shower - looking at my reflection in the mirror - this bald headed woman with one breast missing - standing there rubbing in sorbelen cream on my head and body - doing my cleansing regime and thinking to myself - how unglamourous it all was and yet I have never spent so much time creaming up etc . What a laugh!!!
But you know as much as I have always believed that true beauty really does come from the heart - as a woman spending a bit of time on the outside really gives a boost. With all thats going on if I look in the mirror and the person looking back has a bit of colour and a touch of lippy it makes all the difference!!

Well its good that I had my laughs earlier in the day as later I had a bit of a meltdown.
This emotional road is quite bizarre - laughing to start and crying to finish.
A friend said you have to just go with the flow - she wasn't joking. You really don't know where the tide is taking you next!
My poor husband was merrily just going about getting the fire started etc He had gone to get us pizza and all seemed well.
By the evening I was feeling tired and a bit cranky - not even really sure why - sometimes it just comes over you.
Earlier he had suggested we go to our local for a meal and as much as I would have loved to - I really just couldn't do it - quite frustrating as we do have lots to celebrate!
Miss c was a bit tired and emotional - so together we were a fine mix!
B just happened to say I seemed a bit grumpy that night to which I exploded a reply far greater than the comment.
I stormed off - sat on my bed laughed at my own ridiculousness then went to the bathroom and sobbed at my state and then removed all the black nail polish off my nails as I was over the Fortune teller look!!
Boy what a up and down of emotions today.

My darling A came in to check I was okay - I apologised for my outburst - said sometimes it all as to get out and that I was fine and just have to keep remembering the bigger picture- we ended up having a laugh together and we all went to bed!!

So despite the bits in between the day started and ended with a laugh after all - so I cant ask for more than that.
Well I better get back to bed and try and sneak in a few more hours before the sun comes up!!!!!!!
Hey ho I wonder what tomorrow has in store . No doubt you'll be hearing soon enough hehe x

Birthday Bliss ......

Well tonight I am a happy birthday bunny!!!

After an absolute nightmare of a day yesterday - I feel like a different person tonight.
I wont bore you with all the details except to say that I am hoping I do not have to repeat that again - every part of my body ached , I was incredibly nauseous, I could barely walk to the toliet etc etc and spent the enter day in bed moaning and groaning!!
My poor family - they didn't know quite what to do and all left this morning looking slightly nervous as to what they would find when they came home from work and school!

Already this morning I was feeling better - most of my troubles from yesterday had subsided - just slighty nauseous and a bit shakey.
It was the girls first day back to school after the holidays and they weren't too keen to go!
We started the day with a Happy Birthday song and gifts etc - it wouldn't have taken much for all of us to stay together hehex
I was still so pooped I wasn't up to much in any case. In the end they left happily with lots of hugs and kisses all round.

I decided that I would at least shower and shampoo - what I hear you ask - good question???
After yesterday I wanted so to feel fresh so I got sorted - put on my makeup etc - at least then, when I saw myself in the mirror it wouldn't be quite as bad - and then I went back to lie on my bed!!!
I had a decidely lazy morning snoozing on and off for most of it and by lunchtime most of the nausea had lifted.
The chemo unit called to see how I was going and after a chat we are going to up my discharge regime next time so hopefully I don't have a repeat performance after next chemo.

I was very spoilt with lots of cyber birthday greetings and then later on a few lovely friends popped in bearing gifts, flowers and a homemade birthday cake.
I wasn't the liveliest of company but was very special to be thought of!
Before long the girls were home and our lovely family friends with their 2 boys had popped in and the girls enjoyed a cuddle with the new baby.
All in all a wonderful afternoon.....

One of the pressies I got today is a heated throw - yesterday I had been so cold it felt like my bones had been chilled!!
When B came home he wanted to sit on the verhanda with a slice of cake and for me to get a bit of air!!
Well I thought I should test drive my new baby - what an amazing invention. The plug just fitted in through the sliding door and stretched comfortabley to the throw over me .
I was as warm as toast - I can see that will become a firm favorite!!
I was very spoilt with all manner of other lovely gifts and am looking forward to endulging in them!!

The evening finished with a skype call to my folks - how wonderful to see their faces!!
Also to top off the day - I got word from the lovely J who we got our Tea (poodle) from - that her dogs have just had another litter of puppies!
They were born yesterday - and she has very kindly named one after me - her description of the puppy made me quite teary. In different circumstances I would have been quite tempted to add another to our happy family but a puppy is not quite in the mix just now!!!

So isn't amazing what a difference a day makes!!
I am hoping for another bright day tomorrow .......

Taxotere time out please !!!!!

Well the rollarcoaster continues.

Today I would just love a time-out! The taxotere is doing its thing - I am achey and feeling yuck. Had a restless sleep last night and have to be honest have woken up today feeling a bit teary and flat.
I know that the drugs are contributing to this but this morning it would have been nice to wake up without discomfort or side effects.
To look in the mirror and see something other than this strange looking skin head with a dodgy bod!!
Its just funny how one day you are travelling fine and then the next the road feels that much longer.

Had a very restful day yesterday - was feeling a bit peeky but ended up braving a visit to the lady I met at the Look Good Feel Good program.
We had reconnected at chemo on Thursday and she had suggested that we see how we both were feeling on saturday afternoon - all going well we could pop over for tea and scones! They live about 5mins from us!
I wasn't really feeling like going out but thought it would be worth trying to make the effort - so we all headed over in the afternoon.
I donned my headscarf on its first outing - felt a bit weird but at least I was seeing someone who would have a headcovering of her own!!
We had a lovely time but didn't stay long at all - we were all home again within the hour !!
It was good to get a bit of fresh air but I just crashed into bed when we got home - I don't think my body really was up to the activity.
Activity haha - lifting a cup from the table to my lips - pretty sad that that is exhausting!!

So today I will be lying very low - am still in bed infact - just not feeling right today at all. Need to give the old body a chance to recover .
At least the sun is shining and the sweet bird song is filtering in through my window.
B and the girls are heading out to the shops so I shall have a snooze until they return.

My beautiful mum sent this to me

I stand in awe of your power Lord and newly encouraged that you who set the boundaries of the sea have also set the boundaries of my life.
The raging waters may roll against me
They cannot prevail
They may roar but they cannot cross the boundaries established by my God.

There is comfort in that ........

Be bald , be strong ..

Well it is Day 2 after the chemo and to be honest I am feeling shattered!!

The girls and B have gone out to the shops and I am chillaxing in my bed with my friendly laptop.
Spirits are high in our home today as last night we found out that B passed his exam - yabadabadooo!!!
We could do with some good news.
There was great dancing and merriment here last night - our future here is sealed! What a relief - we can really get rooted down now - there is still the matter of the visa but now hopefully that will just fall into place!!
I have always believed this was to be our forever home and am so glad it will be so!! I can start looking at redoing my kitchen at last!!! hehe x

Yesterday I just relaxed in bed most of the morning before the girls came home from their sleepover - they arrived back happy and tired!!
Although I was feeling a bit wrecked my moulting head had been driving me bananas - hair everywhere and was looking really patchy and horrible. So I texted my hairdresser to see if she could fit me in for a shave!!
Our lovely friend Barbs was dropping off dinner for us and I asked her if I was able to get an appointment if she could take me ! When I mentioned this to the girls on coming home - poor C just burst into tears and clung to me so tightly - this was a big thing for her to face!! Miss A didnt look very happy either but it just had to be done.

Well Barbs arrived - looking as gorgeous as ever and lifted the mood as we waited to hear whether I could go - we just lay on my bed relaxing in the meantime. I was just dozing off when I had the call to say all was good!
My hairdresser is a lovely lady who runs her business from home and she wasn't even working yesterday and just made a plan for me.
I was feeling rather weary but just desperate to get it done - so Barbs loaded us all in and we were off!
The girls were very sombre in the car - so hard for them !!
I was wearing my beany and then before long - the shaver was on and we were away . C even had a go and offered to sweep up all the cuttings.
I reassured her that I wasn't like Samson - where all my strength was in my hair!! Here's hoping not anyway!!!
Lets be honest - it doesnt look great as it isn't all even and smooth as the area were hair has been and gone are different to the others!! But I knew it was the right thing to do. The girls wanted me to put the beany back on - so that was that.
I felt a bit teary on leaving the salon - but really more a sense of relief!!

We headed home once more and I was looking forward to getting back!
It was quite late when we got back and B was already there - the results were to be posted on the internet from 5pm.
It all worked out really well - as the girls were pretty down on coming home after the shaving but once Dad was whooping and booging with joy - the atmosphere changed for the good!
We popped a bottle of bubbly and thankfully Barbs was there as I couldn't have any - so we all cheered and enjoyed the great significance of the moment!!!
This day set the course for the rest to come!!
Home sweet home - the pilgrims really can rest!!

So today I am hoping to regain a bit of strength - will just lie low and enjoy the farm surroundings and gentle winter sun.
There really is so much to look forward  to - and I intend to be there to enjoy it .............

Chemotherapy No 2 - what a day!!!

Well my bed has never felt so good!!!
I am feeling absolutely shattered but thought I would attempt to blog as things were still fresh in my mind as I am unsure what tomorrow will bring.
So forgive me in advance if you end up reading a lot of gobbledygook!!!

I am home after a marathon session at chemo today.
The day before you have to take steroids to help with the side effects that may arise from the chemo - however these drugs have side effects of their own. They keep you awake!!! So although I really needed to sleep last night I was still awake at 4.45 this morning - not the best start - especially with how things turned out today - but am home and happy to have got no2 done!! Yeah.

It is still school holidays here - a friend had offered to have the girls today so the plan was they would go for the morning and be home after lunch as I expected to be in by 10 and out by 1pm - how wrong was I.
I was in by 10 but only ended leaving at 6 pm!! In fact I was the last patient there - the chair next to me had seen 3 people pass through whilst I sat and sat and sat!!
All started off pretty well - my friend jen took me - we arrived on time where taken in - the IV although painful was inserted without a problem - the line ran well and thank God lasted all through the 8 hours of drama!!!!
The first step is to flush the line and then iv antinausea and then the big guns - doxytaxel!!!
On the other side of the room - the staff had rushed over to assist with a lady who had an adverse reaction to one of her drugs - she was sorted out - and I did have a sneaky feeling that I should anticipate a bit of action too. Listen to that still quiet voice.
A very nice dr was on duty and reported that he was happy with my cell count and I was good to go. B had popped down from work so jen went to do a few jobs get a coffee and come back.
Well she missed the highlight hehe!!
Literally as the taxotere began coursing through my veins my face went red like a hot poker , I came out in a rash and my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest!!
The staff were amazing - fast and so efficent - the Dr had been tangling around to see how I would respond - so he was there in a flash. The drip was stopped instantly, I was given hydrocortisone and pheregen IV and soon al began to settle - took my breath away but all settled well. So then we had to wait for 30 mins for me to recover and then they were going to "challenge me again" in there words - this time the drip rate would be set very much slower and gradually increased over time.
During this I also wear the fabulous icemitts which are so freezing - your fingers are sore and like ice - but all worth preventing losing your nails.
I was monitored very closer with lots of people coming by to check how I was feeling. Such lovely Drs and nurses there today!!
Poor Jen got quite a fright when she walked in as it had all literally just happened when she walked back in - she couldnt believe it and was so glad that B had been with me!!

So that was drug no 1. After that flushed again and set up the next one!!
One would have hoped this one would be fine - haha - well I was on a roll .
As soon as this one went in my eyes began to itch and get sore and scratchy - at first i thought I just had something in my eye but no it just kept getting worse -so once again all came to a standstill and they called for the Dr.
They just weren't sure if this was going to progress to something equally as exciting as the first drug. My consultant was seeing another patient so they were waiting to chat through the details with him - in the interim I believe a lot of googling was going on re this particular side effect as they hadn't actually had that happen with anyone before - it had to be me !!!!!
The Dr who had checked me in orderd some eye drops from the pharmacy to bring some relief and quite a while later the consultant came we had a chat - I said I could manage wsnt feeling to much else so the plan was to run it a lot slower and she how we went!!
So off we went again - jen popped the eye drops in for me - all went okay - I did get more sinussy symtoms but nothing too bad and weirdly an indigestion. But I pushed through and we made it to the end.

It was also amazing as when I went to the Look Good Feel Good program I met a lovely lady that I really clicked with - we havent had contact since - but who should walk in for her last chemo - my friend.
What are the chances - we are definitely meant to get together. Unbeknown to me she had actually sent me a text but I hadnt received it - I met her hubby and we had a great chat - and are all planning to get together soon. Just great!

So as people were coming and going I was still sitting. The girls were with my friend and her girlies at the movies and as I said I had been hoping to be home by 1.30. Thankfully I had given her a key so they were able just to come hom to the farm and hang out together.
Jen had also offered to have the girls over for a Shrek marathon and sleepover. They had a Barbie marathon a few weeks back where it was all pink adn girlie - well tonight the theme was green and brown. Ab had spent yesterday making choccie cupcakes with green icing , handmade choccies in green mini cupcake papers amongst other things. Green and brown clothed were packed - what fun!!
Jen left me close to 5 to go and relieve poor Jodes from her shift - so thank you lovely ladies for just jumping in !!!
B had finished work so he came and sat with me for the remainer of the time - the nurses were so sweet and very sympathetic that I was ending up spending my entire day there!
The 3rd rug was initially to be run over half an hour but considering the track record of my day - they thought best to ease me in gently - so another hour for me!!!

They were cleaning all the beds around me etc as I waited - the chemo unit closes at 6 - so I was just going to make it!!!
When the last drop of Herceptin was in - i had my shoes on , my bag dusted off and ready to jump off that bed after the final flush!!
And I did!!!

I had left my car at Jens so b drove us there to pick it up which worked out well as I could say goodnight to my beautiful girls as I hadnt seen them all day and was good to reassure them that all is okay.
After a quick cuddle and a few I love yous I was off as I didnt know how long I could function for.
They were all happy dressed in their green and browns and tucking into hot chips!!
B had picked up some takeaways for us - so food and bed for me!!

So we will see what tomorrow brings - I am so full of drugs and steroids I am really hoping that I will sleep as I am exhausted but the nurse did say they may keep me awake - and I have managed to type this so hoping thats not a bad sign!!!!
Am sure I will just snooze tomorrow in any case - so all good.
Infact even despite todays dramas I am feeling good and positive - I am almost half way through the chemo part at least - I reconnected with an new friend and was mightly helped by 2 old ones!! The staff at the hospital were supportive and caring - I left with a bag full of prescription meds to attack the side effects - so here goes!!!

And yes my hair is going mightly too - had to wear a hat today as my bald patches are really showing - but hey I cant complain - it will come back and my skin regime has never been so thorough!!!

Til next time peeps - am hopefully off for some much needed sleep !!! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Its raining hair !!!!!

Well it is a very quiet night here at home tonight.
Granny and Grandpa flew back home today , C is at a friends for dinner after a day of fun and movies and B is at a work meeting.
So A and I are holding the fort.

I can hardly believe that on Thursday I am going for my next chemo cocktail - a strawberry daiquiri would go down a lot better!!!
In any event as I said to a friend today I have to keep thinking about the big picture and not focus on the here and now too much!
I have been feeling a bit flat this last week - I think the reality of starting the side effect road from the start again does not put a bounce in my step!! You just begin to feel you are poking your head up above the chemo haze and then its time to start again.
My hair has been falling out for the last week and I am getting decidedly thin on top - I had contemplated shaving off the reminder but at the rate its falling by the time I get an appointment it will all be gone Im sure.
I am worse than a moulting retriever - hair everywhere I go !
I have been twisting headscarves on my head , trying on hats etc - much to my family's delight - not.
I have had comments such as - I think that looks like a tea cosy?
You could be an old fashioned maid servant - and then some very quiet looks as I waft about in another head contraption.
I am thinking bald may just be the way to go - will see - am awaiting a few scarves I have ordered - lets hope they look a bit better!
I have been trying to use a bit of hair product to add volume to a rather thin head of hair - well that backfires as when I put the product through with my fingers - my hands are full of more hair yet again - kind of defeats the point!!

It was off to the oncology department again today to give me the once over before Thursday - I had bloods taken etc to check if my blood cells are recovering suitably from the toxic onslaught! I have been prescribed some more drugs to help manage a couple of side effects I had trouble with - so the scene is set.
Abs came with me and then we did another pre chemo shop and a few other jobs . Was nice to spend a bit of quality time together !
I have pretty much just been house bound this past fortnight - so was nice to see a bit of life outside but once again I am feeling exhausted.
I am amazed how little it takes for tiredness to set in !

Tomorrow will be the usual whirl around and attempt at getting all in place for the next couple of weeks - the girls start back to school on Monday so I will have to have uniforms etc ready to go!!
I am going to miss having them at home with me - they are great company.
Well I am off to do a few bits and pieces in preparation for tomorrow - hope all is well with you wherever you are in the world......

"Never measure the height of a mountain until you have reached the top . Then you will see how low it was " Dag Hammarskjold.